I thought it would be a pity to bury this (attempt at a) new year’s greeting in a locked thread:
From One Liner Update 9.02:
The world's least useful poetry translation attempt: 100% correct yet 100% not useful. (I approve this translation. 10/10.)
A respectable translation that @hiddenflaw's family would not be ashamed of.
…Aaaaand my shameless attempt at taking credit after @TechieWeirdo did 99.9% of the work (its a dog (eat dog) year, brother). mouse over for fkin POETRY, man:
edit: IT OCCURS TO ME THAT THE BOOTIFUL POETRY DOESN’T SHOW UP ON MOBILE. ah well. Find a mouse or deal with it I guess.
random-ass Chinese poetry stuff about teachers being awesome;
@Masters888 is an idiom.
DHL does not stop working in HK for holidays.
another fun fact!
the 7th day of the first month of the Lunar Calendar is supposed to be the day human beings were created. ITS ERRBODY'S BIRTHDAY!
i found this out when i was like 7 and i was trying to jump-scare my mom: i panicked and couldn’t think of anything so i yelled “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” and she was like, “Yes it’s 人日 today, now stop yelling or DIE.”
ok so maybe she said "i'll smack you" but asian mom slaps are fkin murder anyway.
the one child policy was a coverup - Mongolia and Kazakhstan were like, “Okay 秦始皇, (that translates to ‘THE Emperor Qin’, btw. like THE Avengers. he was totally badass) look buddy: being neighbours is cool and all - love the silk and gunpowder btw - but seriously quit it with the flying children” but the women threatened to slap him if they couldn’t slap the children so he built a (Great) wall (of China) instead.
obviously that didn’t stop the womenfolk from launching children into neighbouring countries so then 毛泽东 (different guy: fabulous hairstyle; owned one (1) shirt) was like “aight ladies, quit that shit else i’ll only let you have one”, and this time it worked because everyone was hopped up on opium by the brits who were working on stealing Hong Kong for 100 years.
this is all 100% true and i have photographic evidence.
- kazakhstan’s pretty chinese-looking volleyball player.
- man displaying characteristics of being smacked upside the head as a child:
i. sharp angulation of the mentum; and
ii. being very very successful.
aaaand another fun fact!
there is no year of the cat because there are no cats in China. We ate them all!
we’re working on turtles next.
...still better than that *awful* sriracha-chocolate-keyboard-cathair pizza monstrosity.
seriously. the hair is not the part of the cat you want to eat. sheesh.
Oh, almost forgot:
Happy Lunar New Year kids!
Does anyone else have any other interesting facts (alternative truths need not apply thx) about Chinese-y stuff to share?